Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
