You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
