Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
