After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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