I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
