I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
