11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
