I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
