i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
