I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
