She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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