he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
