He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
