...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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