yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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