I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
