Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
