They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
