Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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