Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
