If i come over, it means nothing
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
