you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
