Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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