So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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