It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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