Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
