I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
