just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
