everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
