your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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