does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
