Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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