you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize