I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
