So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
