Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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