yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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