This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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