Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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