pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
