I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
