Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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