I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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