i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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