Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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