tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
