okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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