matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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