I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
