I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
