Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
