My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize