i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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