First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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