i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize