Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
