hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
