So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
