We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we're making bets on your personal life
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
