i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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