it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
