just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
