Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
