how can u be prego again
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
