i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
