Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
