my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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