No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
