Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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