haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
