not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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