her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
