I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
