I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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