The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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