i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
