We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
