Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
