Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
