the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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