He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
