I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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