so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
