if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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